Parent Hacks

Rebooting the bedtime routine after a long stay with the grandparents? Talk amongst yourselves.

The broken bedtime routine. It's so maddening because you can remember when it used to work. Especially difficult because life doesn't magically pause while you try to manage your child's sleep problem...which has quickly become the entire family's sleep problem.

From Santiaga:

I have two children: a 3 YO son and a 10 month-old daughter. We live in a two-bedroom apartment so they share a room. My son used to go to bed very well. We had a great routine for bed: once I tucked him in I would rock my daughter to sleep.

Our world came crashing down when my husband was involved in a life-threatening accident at work. He spent six weeks in the hospital during which we stayed at my parents' house.

My son's bedtime routine changed: his grandparents put him to bed by turning on a movie and staying up with him until he fell asleep. I don't blame them -- it was a stressful time for all of us.

Once my husband healed enough for us all to return home, I tried to go back to my children's original bedtime routine. It didn't work. My son would get out of bed, dig in the refrigerator for a snack and throw a fit to watch a movie. The only thing that I have been able to do is put a movie on for him, but he isn't sleeping in his bed -- he is sleeping on the couch. I can't get him to sleep before 1 AM and I don't know what to do.

I can't make him lay down in his bed. He cries, then wakes up my daughter. When I go to soothe my daughter back to sleep my son runs into the living room and refuses to leave. By that time it's around 11 PM and I am ready to give up.

I literally don't know what to do anymore. I hope Parent Hacks readers can help.

Oh, so painful. I'm glad you had support as your husband recuperated, but I'm so sorry this is one of the side effects of the ordeal.

Any change in routine -- even a long vacation -- can upset the balance at bedtime for young kids. And bedtime needs and routines are so closely tied to each kid and situation...it's hard to give definitive advice. (Who am I to give sleep advice anyway? My first kid had a terrible time sleeping, and my second kid slept beautifully, and it's not clear how much I ever helped or hurt the situation.)

My gut tells me that the answer is calm, kind, firm persistence in reinstituting the routine. It won't be easy (as you already know) and it will be loud and distruptive for a time, but I expect, if movies are never again an option at bedtime, the fight would eventually ease up. Perhaps replacing the movie with some quiet movie music in bed? Or getting movie-themed picture books to read together? Sometimes offering a compromise lets the kid know you're listening to what he wants, but you're not budging on the TV at bedtime.

Parents of toddlers and preschoolers: any wisdom or helpful resources you can share with Santiaga? She really needs our help...certainly more than my "gut feeling" can provide.

Calming older kids' bedtime fears (sponsored + giveaway)

This post is sponsored by LightHeaded Beds. The giveaway entry period has ended.

Interesting conversation with a friend about his 9 year-old daughter's fear of going upstairs to bed by herself.

He was bewildered because his daughter's afraid to go to bed even with the promise of a parent following her up a few minutes later.

Surely, he wondered, not unkindly, she should have grown out of this by now?

Over the years my kids have had bouts of bedtime fears. I too was surprised by how long they persisted. There would be months of uneventful bedtimes and then, suddenly, something would keep one of them up.

My tolerance for irrational bedtime fears was at an all-time low when my kids were older and more mature in so many other areas of their lives. If it were public speaking or some other "normal" fear I would have been Understanding Helpful Mom. But afraid to go to bed? Didn't we get over that years ago? I had little sympathy and even less patience. Looking back, I was jerk about it and probably prolonged the problem.

It took me too long to accept that fear at bedtime, like any irrational fear or phobia, can't be reasoned or "disciplined" away.

Once I realized this was a problem to solve with my kids (not something they were doing to delay bedtime), we made progress.

In my son's case, bedtime fear was grounded in anxiety about schoolwork. His mind would cycle through every unfinished project and he couldn't settle down.

The answer was a series of structured breathing exercises plus a calming mantra he could repeat. Giving his mind something productive on which to focus made all the difference. It took about two weeks of guiding him through the meditation until he could do it consistently by himself.

My daughter's bedtime fear had more to do with boredom. She couldn't stand being bored at night so would stay up late reading or drawing. Eventually she would be the only one awake in the house and that would creep her out.

The solution was so simple it feels silly writing it out: my husband set a "lights out" alarm on his phone, and one of us would go up, kiss her goodnight, and turn out the lights. It was well before our bedtime, so she would hear us knocking around the house as she fell asleep. That, combined with the breathng exercises we taught her brother, was what she needed. The fix wasn't immediate, but eventually it worked.

For guidance, I relied on the workbook What To Do When You Dread Your Bed. Not only does the book help kids normalize their feelings about bedtime, it presents a series of exercises for the whole family including (for those who need structured rewards) a "pass" system for staying in bed. We didn't use the bedtime passes, but the other exercises helped us get to the root of each of the kids' bedtime problems.

Who else has helped older kids through their bedtime fears? I'd love to hear how you handled it. (Scroll down to comment.)

My thanks to LightHeaded Beds for sponsoring this post. The combo of a built-in bedlight plus custom art a kid can create herself seems like a clever, not-obvious-to-others way for an older child to handle tricky bedtimes. You can check out the beds online or in Sam's Club stores across the US.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Back-to-school wake up call: transitioning to early bedtimes and mornings

For those of us grabbing onto the last days of summer with white-knuckle fists, the back-to-school bedtime and morning routines can be a hard sell. But easing late-sleeping kids into a school-friendly schedule does make the transition easier on everyone.

Folks have been posting back to school questions and tips on the Parent Hacks Facebook page, and these comments came up:

Adjusting times the week before school starts

From Brenda:

I always start adjusting bed times and wake times a week before school starts. That way, by the time the first day of school arrives, they have started to get back into the routine (and so have I).

I always mean to do this, but I don't always hit the mark. But then my kids' sleep needs have changed as they've gotten older. During the younger years, early bedtimes (before 9pm) were the norm, but now my kids are better at regulating their own sleep habits. My 13 year-old son even asked me to start getting him up early during these last weeks of summer "so I can get used to it again." *gobsmacked*

See also: How to help your kid/teen wake on her own. My son still sleeps through his alarm clock, but we persist. Coming soon: my review of the Sonic Boom alarm clock (pictured here).

The other reason I think this is smart is because it not only helps bodies, but mindsets. I find that a few days of thinking "back to school" helps us anticipate the fun of seeing friends again, and talk about the positives of structure and challenge after a summer of loosey-goosey.

School morning trial runs...with a reward

Krispy Kreme doughnuts, AKA motivation.

Betsy takes a more active approach to transition, and even turns it into a fun end-of-summer activity:

The week before school is trial school runs. If we can get out the door with breakfast done and an empty backpack at the proper school time we pile in the car, drive past the school and head somewhere fun. Most popular destination is Krispy Kreme.

Some have said this week is most helpful for ME, the mama, to learn how to get back on schedule, but I scoff at that. (Writing in pjs at 9:15.)

How smart is that?

How do you help your kids (and yourself) transition from summer to back-to-school?

What to do when your toddler won't go to sleep? Talk amongst yourselves.

At Amazon: Classic Sleigh Toddler Bed, Cherry

It's SO hard when a formerly-sleeping baby turns into a fitfully-sleeping toddler. That's Jessie's situation, and she needs our help.

I need advice. My 2 year-old will not go to sleep on his own anymore. Ever since he started getting out of his crib and we changed it to the toddler bed, he sleeps on the floor and will not go to bed at night or nap time by himself. We have to lie with him which sometimes takes up to an hour and a half at bedtime. And go to him when he wakes up at 2:30 AM every morning as well.

I'm dreading sleep training again since this time he's older, and I fear it will be soooo much worse. Help please!

UGH. Can you hear the anguish in Jessie's appeal? The crib-to-toddler bed transition can be so challenging for so many reasons, not the least of which is your own sleep deprivation.

The sleep habits of my two kids (not surprisingly) were vastly different. One barely napped as a baby or toddler, but finally settled into a rhythym at about 3. The other slept like a proverbial baby, but then was up and down all through the preschool and kindergarten years.

I seem to have expunged the details from my mind, either that or they're lost in the sleep-loss fog of those years. There was some sleep training involved during the toddler years, and consistent naptime and bedtime routines, but I recall it being a long-term process.

Please tell me you have something more helpful to offer Jessie. Wisdom? Experience? Advice?

Please leave a comment with your tips on how to encourage a toddler to get to sleep on his own.

More: The entire Sleep archive at Parent Hacks

How to keep a 7 year-old in bed after bedtime? Talk amongst yourselves.

At Amazon: What to Do When You Dread Your Bed: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With Sleep

Gina from Canada needs our help motivating her daughter to stay in bed so she can have the evening "off-duty" she needs:

My daughter is a jack-in-the-box at bedtime. She's 7 years old.

We finish her story, kiss her goodnight, leave the room - and then she calls after us for hot milk. And then she's out of bed to go to the bathroom (she has only recently become dry at night so it is something she is working on). Then she comes down 1/2 hour later to tell us she can't fall asleep.

It's starting to drive me crazy! I get that she may need to go to the bathroom, or even that she's having trouble falling asleep. But I don't want to hear about it anymore! I don't want any more updates!

Basically, once bedtime has begun (8:30), I consider that my time and (much as I love her) I need her to let me be.

What can I do to get her to, if not go to sleep, then stay in her room?

My first thought is: why is she getting out of bed? Is she afraid? Is she lonely? Is she bored? If you can get at the reason why she's getting up, you can address it while at the same time crafting a temporary system of rewards to help motivate her to stay in bed.

If she's afraid or lonely, offer to sit with her after she's in bed. We would go through our usual bedtime routine, I'd kiss her goodnight, and then I'd sit on the floor next to her bed and read my own book while she fell asleep. The key for us was no interaction. Comforting presence, yes, but the goal was bedtime and sleep, so no talking or chatting (there was talk time during the bedtime routine).

I also referred to post-bedtime as "adult time" so she understood that, even though I was sitting with her to help her feel safe, it was my time to rest and recharge with my own book.

We gradually reduced the amount of time we stayed until it was no longer necessary.

If she's bored, give her a couple quiet, non-screen activity options she can do while in bed. Reading and drawing are the obvious two. A gentle reading light next to the bed can double as a night light.

As for the reward system, my absolute favorite is outlined in the workbook What To Do When You Dread Your Bed by Dawn Huebner. This brilliant book is addressed directly to kids. Not only does it help kids normalize and communicate about their feelings about bedtime (whatever they might be), it takes the family through a series of exercises, including a "pass" system for staying in bed.

I'll leave the details to the book, but the basic idea is that kids get a limited number of passes they can use to get out of bed. Once the passes are used up...well, they're used up.

The exercises outlined in What To Do When You Dread Your Bed aren't an instant fix, and they take commitment from the whole family. But they're fun, illuminating, and respectful of both kids' and parents' needs.

Parenthackers, what's your best stay-in-bed-at-bedtime advice? What worked for you and your kids?

Related: Digital clock "cure" for kids who can't fall asleep

Also: A "tape trick" for keeping your kid in her room at bedtime

More: Sleep tips at Parent Hacks

Rolled-up towel keeps kid from rolling out of bed

Veteran Parenthacker Kim-Anh found a quick, easy hack to keep her sleeping kid from rolling out of bed.

When we removed the bedrail from my youngest son's twin bed, I felt like I was sleeping with one eye and ear open to make sure he didn't fall out of bed. We've been sleeping a lot better since we started using a hack we came up with while traveling with the kids and staying in hotel rooms.

We roll up a large towel (a blanket might work, too) into a long roll, and then shove it under the bed's fitted sheet to keep it in place at the edge of the bed. This helps to give kids a physical reminder if they roll up against it during the night.

It's not foolproof, but seems to be enough to keep my son from rolling off the side of the bed.

I love how this hack doesn't require packing anything extra in your suitcase.

Related: Turn the changing pad into a soft landing pad next to a "big kid" bed 

More: Bed-related hacks

Lost blankie, teddy bear, or other special lovey? This shop specializes in replacements.

via asuwishshop.ecrater.com

There is so much to love about this story...must share it with you IMMEDIATELY.

Longtime Parenthacker Caron posted this emergency announcement on the Parent Hacks Facebook page:

Asking the smartest group of parents I know... How can I find a newer, less tattered version of my seven year-old's beloved "blankie with the stars?" I've been scouring the Internet, Ebay, posted a few times to my Facebook and Twitter accounts, and posted to Craigslist three times. No luck so far. I would love any advice or leads. (There has to be another one out there somewhere!)

(I absolutely love that she thought to come here for help. Also, the heroism of her search! Anyone who's ever experienced the effect of a lost blankie or teddy bear will identify.)

I was about to sound a major social media alarm: ATTENTION, INTERNET! REPLACEMENT LOVEY NEEDED. SEND IMMEDIATE HELP. But then I saw this followup comment:

UPDATE!! Brand new Blankie with the Stars FOUND!! I posted to the wanted section on Ebay and some anonymous person pointed me to a website that was selling one. Apparently they specialize in selling lost loveys!

After I quieted my mental cheering squad (YAY! LOVEY FOUND!) I checked out the shop. Sure enough, As U Wish Shop is devoted to stocking new and gently-used replacements for blankets, toys, dolls and bedding.

So, not only did Caron find a replacement blankie for her son, she will likely help other parents who find themselves on the same desperate quest.

How wonderful is this? Thank you, Caron, for the whole thing...the asking for help, the sharing of the solution, and for all of your hacks and comments over the years. I'm so glad you're here.

I'm so glad we're all here.

If you're a Facebooker, give the Parent Hacks Facebook page a "like." It a great place to keep up with site updates, share hacks and pointers to hack-worthy resources, ask questions, and chat up other Parenthackers. I'm not much of a personal Facebook user, but I love hanging out at the Parent Hacks page.

Related: Mitten clips protect "lovies" from loss

More: Blankie and lovey hacks

How to find downtime when your kid won't nap

The religion all parents practice: the Worship of the Nap. Naptime equals quiet time, get-things-done time, you time. But what do you do if your kid doesn't nap? Or "catnaps" in short intervals?

I had one of those. My son napped for 30 minutes per day when he was little. Perhaps we made rookie mistakes about helping him "put himself to sleep," but the kid just had a hard time of it. Which means, so did I.

And so does Sabrina. On Twitter:

Oh, I feel your pain, Sabrina. Those are crazymaking days. Back then, the stroller was my best friend. Rain or shine I'd plop Luke into the stroller, walk, and make calls on my cell phone. Or I'd time a long drive to occur right around naptime, then park and read a book.

Parenthackers responded to Sabrina's plea:

• take a drive
• take a walk with the stroller
• pop in a video (or record a show or two), make sure your child is seated safely, and nap while he watches
• bring him into the bedroom and let him play quietly with "calm" toys while you rest
• get a babysitter!
• alternately, arrange a babysitting swap so you can have kid-free time at home

How do you find some downtime when your baby or toddler doesn't nap?

Thank you to @CibaArthur, @hilaryfoster, @jodaleg, @rscfp, @munsonsmith, @mommyenfrance, @monben and @rozanna_niatzi for your responses. Jump in the conversation or ask your own question: follow @parenthacks on Twitter and/or "like" the Parent Hacks Facebook page.

Related: Need to lie down on the job? Play Tattoo Parlor!

How to help your kid/teen wake up on her own

@MrsPJSimmons sent out a plea via Twitter asking how to encourage her teen to self-start in the mornings:

Several "me toos" came back, and they had an air of desperation and resignation, as in "nothing I've tried has worked" and "it's driving me nuts."

But some suggestions also came back:

• @espringer: Squirt gun!
• @babytoolkit: Start kids young with alarms and natural consequences
• @mangomeru: "I told my grade 8 class I would give them a personal wake up call at 7 in the morning if they were late 3x"

My response:

Decent advice, I think. But then I followed up with:

...and that's when I got called out. Kindly, but firmly.

• @stumark: "Fine up until 'not my prob' - instead, act as if u r on teen's team 2 defeat prob." Longtime Parenthackers will recall that this is a recap of Stu's incredibly wise advice that appeared here years ago: to see the Problem as the problem, not the kid. [For more Stu (one can never have enough) visit Forever Parenting.]
• @rozanna_niazi: "good point - and surely you don't need to "act" as if? The Family Team is the way to go, no?"

THIS is why I love Parent Hacks. Because we all benefit with more than one brain/perspective/take on a problem...just as our kids do.

My refined advice:

Get your kids into the habit of using alarm clocks. Start them young. If you've already missed that boat (as I have), start now.

Brainstorm with your kid/teen about how you might solve the late waking problem together. Let her know, without accusation and hyperbole, how starting the morning in conflict affects the rest of your day. See if there is a fun way to chip away at the problem.

Identify the goal, and then create steps toward reaching it. Your kid may have no idea how to do this herself. Perhaps the goal is to be out the door by 7:45am. If your teen is currently 15 minutes late every morning, start by identifying ways to shave 5 minutes off the morning routine. Once she has achieved success, increase to 10 minutes, and so on.

See if there are some ways you can team up with the teacher on natural consequences. If tardy slips aren't enough, perhaps there are other consequences the teacher can suggest. Non-shaming, discreet, and meaningful consequences.

Troubleshoot problems and celebrate successes. The trick is to lower the tension around the whole issue.

Hopefully this helps. Would love to hear!

Any more advice on teaching kids to be responsible for waking themselves up in the morning?

Related: Four Parent Hacks for a nag-less morning routine

And: Alarm clocks work for early-waking babies, too

Finally, a little irony: Clock radio hack encourages kids to sleep later

Twitter and Facebook are great places to ask questions of me and (more often) the Parenthacker collective brilliance. What do you want to know? Follow @parenthacks on Twitter, and "like" the Parent Hacks Facebook page.

Baking soda deodorizes a mattress after a stomach flu disaster

Perhaps the title of this hack was enough information, but in case you want more detail, here it is, from Rebecca:

The other night I found out the hard way that baking soda is good for yet another thing.  I was snuggling my 4 year-old to sleep. He had been talking about his tummy hurting, and all of a sudden it was clear that it was stomach flu. 

... [Insert scary movie music here. -- Ed.]

The cleanup was epic and the mattress pad was NOT in fact waterproof.  So, after stripping the bed and wiping the mattress with a damp soapy rag, it still needed something.  I grabbed my huge jug of baking soda and started pouring little mountains on the mattress and sort of gently distributing it and rubbing it in (just barely).  I let it sit a few minutes and then vaccuumed it up.  It eliminated nearly all of the remaining... concern.  Within 15 minutes there was pretty much no odor. 

The next day we marched out and bought a working moisture barrier.

Is there nothing baking soda can't do? That's why it's part of the Parenthacker's Toolkit.

Related: Fun toilet cleaning? Use baking soda and vinegar!

Wet hair, cold head? Wear a hat to bed!

Bring back the stocking cap! Tracy did and it kept her daughter cozy in bed while keeping heating bills low:

My daughter took a bath before bed and was uncomfortable and cold because her hair was wet.  Being that this time of year the heat doesn't always kick in as much as during the winter, some days it just "doesn't feel warm" in the house.  So, we decided to let her wear a winter hat to bed.  Her head was nice and warm and the complaints stopped :)  Yes she did have one major case of hat head in the morning, but we just spritzed and combed out and we were good to head out the door.

My kids also bathe before bed and I've found that thoroughly towel-drying their hair makes a big difference. I'm a fan of the Turbie Twist hair drying towel because it's not bulky and stays put, but any thin towel would do well, including your old, hooded baby towels.

Related: How to make a hooded towel for kids

Book light lets baby sleep through nighttime diaper changes

Scott's lighting solution for when he needs to change diapers in the dark:

Get a book light!  A simple off-the-shelf book light produces just enough light so you can see what you're doing, but still keeps the room dark so your child can sleep through the process.

You can clip the book light to the table, to a changing pad cover, a bed sheet, or just about anything.   The flexible part also helps in positioning the light just right.

Newer book lights use LED bulbs which are safer and produce no heat.

Great idea, although once the baby gets grabby, the light will be the prime target. Here's where a head-mounted flashlight might come in handy. Seriously! We own one and I can't tell you how many times we use it!

Does your kid sleep through diaper changes? How do you manage it?

Related: Baseball cap + a clip-on light = a better bedtime reading lamp

Also: Hacking nighttime diapers (literally!) to reduce leakage

A "tape trick" for keeping your kid in her room at bedtime

via www.prudentbaby.com

If you spend your evenings putting your kid back to bed (because he keeps getting up for water, potty breaks, etc.) this simple "tape trick" from Jaime at the lovely site Prudent Baby might just be the ticket. Your mileage will vary (as always) based the temperament of your kid.

How to Make a Cheap, Low-Profile Wooden Bed Frame

via www.instructables.com

Eric Wilhelm made this simple low-to-the-ground bedframe so his baby daughter could sleep on the bed without a long fall (if it ever came to that). Great idea for a toddler bed as well!

Turn old lingerie into comfort blankies and hankies

Sarah's sweet idea for reusing old (but still silky) slips and nighties works for any nicely-textured fabric you've got sitting around:

Old slip? Don't trash it...wash it and then give it to your child as a comfort blankie. My son loves textures and especially likes the soft material to rub against his cheek while falling asleep.

Or...cut it into a square and use it as a hanky--my son's little nose will appreciate this. Just wash it and use it again. (I just thought of this one--since we are all suffering from spring allergies.)

I LOVE this idea. My kids are both texture hounds, and yet it's easy to forget about the simple tactile pleasure kids get out of favorite toys.

(Here's the hack as it originally appeared on Sarah's blog.)

Related: Emergency blankie stand-in